Pulse - Part Three (The Pulse Series) Read online

  "My fault?" She smiles. "How is it my fault that your boyfriend is trying to set a world record for banging?"

  "You're the one who dragged me to that club."

  "I didn't throw you into bed with him. He's the one who worked his magic on you." She leans her shoulder on me. "You're spending too much time mourning the loss of him and his big dick."

  "What?" I smirk.

  "Get back in the saddle." She props herself up on her knees and whirls her hand above her head as if she's casting a lasso in the air. "Go out and find a new guy. Once you fuck him, Fingers will be a distant memory."

  "It doesn't work that way." I laugh.

  She flashes me a smile. "You won't know until you try. When you have a night off, we're going out dancing and I promise we won't go near his club."

  ***

  "What's going on with you, Jess?" Drew taps me on the shoulder as I'm walking out the employee's exit after my evening shift.

  I turn to briefly glance at him. He really is attractive, in a cute boy next door kind of way. Why hadn't I met him first before I fell into Nathan's bed that night? "Nothing. I'm good," I lie. I wasn't good. It's been almost a week now since I had my face -off with Nathan in his hotel room and he hasn't come looking for me. Why did I care? Why did I want him to? It wasn't as though I wanted to climb back into bed with him. I just wanted the satisfaction of knowing he still wanted me.

  "You're feeling okay?" That’s never a good question to ask a woman. Obviously, he thinks I don't look okay.

  "Sure." Sure? You need something better than that, Jessica. He's cute, he's interested and some time with him would help erase Nathan from your mind. Just listen to Rebecca. Live a little.

  His face comes into full view as he takes a step around me. "I want to kiss you."

  I didn't hear that, did I? "Did you say you want to kiss me?"

  His lips glide across mine in response. His hands jump to cradle my cheeks, tilting my head. I open my mouth, and a small moan filters out. He groans in response and pulls me tighter into his body. He's aroused, already. This sweet, uncomplicated man wants me just from a kiss.

  "You're beautiful, Jess." I hear the words as I feel them on my lips.

  "I'm not," I whisper back. I'm really not.

  "Take me home with you." It's a breathless request that will chase away not only the ache in my heart, but the one that's consumed my body for the past week. I want to feel him. I want to know what it's like to be with a man who isn't focused on so many others. I just want to forget Nathan.

  "I can't." The words betray my body. I can. I really can I want to say. I want to.

  He lunges for me again and this time his kiss is heated, wanting and aggressive. His hands glide down my body, cupping my ass, pulling me into him. I try not to react to the feeling of him pressing against me. His cock is so hard. It would be so easy to just take him by the hand, and pull him into my bed and my body.

  "Soon." It's a promise in a kiss. "I'll take you to dinner on Friday and then you'll decide."

  I run both my hands up his lean, muscular chest, grabbing onto the collar of his chef's jacket. "It's a date."

  Chapter 5

  "Explain to me how you can be in Manhattan less than two months and have two hot guys falling all over you and all I get are the geeks from the tech department at work chasing after me?"

  "Tech guys have mad oral skills," I offer. "You should check them out."

  "It's your tits." She squeezes her breasts together and stares down at her less-than-ample cleavage. "If I had your tits, I would be beating men away with a stick."

  "If you can afford this apartment," I begin as I swing my hand around her spacious bedroom. "You can afford big tits."

  "You didn't buy those." She nods towards my breasts, which are on full display at the moment in a pink lace bra.

  "True, but everything has a price." I point towards a short red dress she has hanging in her closet. "Maybe that one?"

  "That's not your color." She bounces off her bed. "Blue is better."

  "Blue it is." I hold the short, blue halter dress she hands to me in front of myself as I look in the mirror. "He'll like it, right?"

  She pulls my hair back over my shoulders as she stands behind me. "Use him, Jess."

  I turn around quickly. "Use him?"

  "Drew." She raises both brows. "Use him to forget about Fingers."

  I frown at the mention of not only his nickname, but of him. "This has nothing to do with Nathan."

  "It has everything to do with him," she corrects me. "You need to wash the taste of him away. This is your chance. Don't fuck it up."

  ***

  "Do you always open your door dressed like that?"

  I can't respond. What am I supposed to say? I swung the door open without checking who it was because I'm waiting for Drew to pick me up.

  "Where are you going?" He pushes past me and darts into the apartment before I have a chance to stop him.

  "Nathan," I say his name knowing it will hurt when it leaves my lips. I know that he's going to take some satisfaction in hearing it.

  "Jessica, why are you wearing that?" It's too personal and harsh. I feel assaulted by his presence. I feel exposed. I didn't want to see him again. I sure as hell didn't want to see him when I'm wearing a dress like this.

  "You need to go." My voice is so faint. "I have plans."

  "Are you fucking someone else already?" There's no mistaking the frustration in his tone.

  I start to move towards the door. I need him gone before Drew comes up to get me. "It's none of your business." I want him to believe the words. My life isn't his concern anymore. It never really was in the first place.

  He catches my wrist in his grasp. "Like hell it's not my business."

  I can't do this. I can't deal with him right now.

  "I need to be inside you, Jessica." His eyes sweep over me. "I'm aching for you. Tell me how I can fix this."

  "You miss having sex with me?" I ask, not because I need to know the answer, but I need to hear it, from him. I need the confirmation that all he misses is fucking me.

  "More than I've missed anything in my life." He steps closer and touches my shoulder. "I think about the way my cock stretches you as I'm fucking you. I think about your beautiful mouth and what it feels like to shoot down your throat."

  I don't move. I can't. Why aren't my feet listening to my brain?

  "Do you know what I think about most of all, Jessica?" His fingers jump to my thigh. "I think about when I'm sucking on your sweet little, swollen clit and you come hard all over my face."

  "No." I swat his hand away. Please, no.

  "No?"

  "Don't." I swallow past a hard lump in my throat so I can find my voice again. "Don't say that."

  "It's all true." He leans in and his breath skirts over my neck. "I need you, Jessica. Tell me what to do. I'll do anything."

  "Leave." I step back and look down at the floor. "Just go."

  "I'm not going anywhere." His tone is measured and calm. "I've given you almost two weeks to come and talk to me and you haven't. You think I'm going to sit and wait forever?"

  He was waiting for me? "You shouldn't have waited." I want to sound genuine. I want to sound as though I don't give a fuck if I ever talk to him again.

  "What else am I supposed to do?" He reaches to touch me again and I take another step back. I'm running out of room to avoid him.

  "You have a phone full of women lining up to sleep with you." The words startle me as they leave my own lips. I've tried so hard not to think about that phone and all those numbers. "Call up one of them if you need to get off."

  He sighs heavily before pulling his hand across his mouth. "I threw that phone away. I don't have it anymore."

  My heart leaps at the announcement but any joy is quickly replaced by the realization that my number never made it into his actual phone. He filed me in with all the other hundreds of women he fucked. "Why was my number in there?"

  "
It's complicated." He runs his hand through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead. "Your number is in here too." He pulls a smartphone from the pocket of his jeans. "You can check." He holds out the phone for me.

  I don’t reach for it. I can't. I can't start investing myself in this again. "It doesn't matter." I shake my head slightly trying to ward off any thought that this could actually work. "You should leave."

  "Jessica." He leans forwards until his lips are hovering close to mine. "Let me make this right."

  "You can't. I take in a deep breath. I have to calm down. "I can't do this anymore."

  "Why not?" He reaches out and scoops my hand in his.

  I feel weak from the contact. I can't want him still. Why does my body still react like this? "I saw that phone. I saw all those names." I'm instantly assaulted by the wave of pain I felt when I was scrolling through his contact list. "I was just one of the Jessicas." I hold up my index finger. "Just one. Jessica R. That's who I was to you."

  "That's not who you are." His hand squeezes mine. "Christ, please."

  "I'm nothing." The words sound pathetic and pitiful. I don't want them to. I don't want to be that girl who cries because the guy didn't give her all the attention. We were just fuck buddies. That's how it started. That's all it ever was to him.

  His gaze darts over my face. "You're everything. Don't you know that? You're fucking everything to me."

  Chapter 6

  "I'm not." The words leave my lips before I have time to temper the emotion that is coursing through them. They're true though, I'm not. I'm not everything to him.

  "Jessica." His body stiffens as he scans my face. "You know how I feel."

  I raise both brows in response. I know how he feels? Him? What about how I feel? "I know that you enjoy the company of a lot of different women. Everything on that phone just proved that to me."

  "Fuck that phone." His soft tone tears into me. I'm raging inside. Everything that I'd held in for the past two weeks is rushing to the surface and he's standing here acting so calm and collected. I want to reach out and slap him across his unshaven face.

  "How can you say that?" I bite past all of the emotions. "Do you know what it felt like? Looking at all those women's names? All of those messages?"

  "It kills me that you saw that." His eyes pierce through me. "I keep thinking about how I'd feel if I found a phone filled with guy's numbers and messages talking about how they want to fuck you."

  I rally some inner strength before I speak. "You'd never find that. That's not who I am." The words are meant to sting. That's why I shot them at him.

  "I'm not that person anymore." He shields his mouth with his hand as if he's warding off something. Maybe a grimace or a wince? Maybe he's still proud of all his conquests and he's aching to crack a smile.

  "When did you last sleep with a woman?" I don't want to keep beating this issue into the ground. I want him to finally admit that what he said in the bed that night when he told me I was different was just a litany of bullshit meant to convince me not to fuck anyone else.

  "Right before I left for Boston." His tone is steady, and his gaze is unwavering. "When I fucked you slowly and you came all over my cock."

  I resist the urge to moan right there on the spot. God, that was amazing. I had thought about that moment every day since I walked out of his hotel room two weeks ago.

  "Before that? When?" I push. I want him to just admit that he's been seeing other women this entire time.

  "It was the day before that when you sucked me off and I shot my load all over your beautiful breasts and then you rode my dick until you screamed my name."

  I'm so aroused. My body is aching for his. Even knowing that he's been with that many women, I still want him. What the fuck is wrong with me?

  "The time before that," he begins before he steps closer to me, "was on the kitchen table in my apartment. I bent you over and rammed my cock balls deep into that tight, sweet little body of yours. You couldn't even hold on. You came almost instantly."

  I had. I remember. I'd gone to get a glass of water and he was right behind me, pushing me down, pulling up my dress and just taking me.

  "When's the last time you fucked someone else?" I look up from the floor and directly into his eyes. "Don't bullshit me. Tell me when."

  I see a flash of panic wash over him and my heart drops. Please don't say since you said all those beautiful things to me in your bed. Please don't let it be since then.

  "When, Nathan." I push. I just want to know. I just want it to be over with.

  "Cassie." He closes his eyes briefly before pulling them back up to lock on mine. "It was with Cassie."

  Chapter 7

  It's a lie. It's a goddamn, straight-in-my face, unbelievable lie.

  "You're a fucking liar." I push my finger into his chest and he doesn't budge. "You know that's not true."

  He pulls my hand into his in one swift motion. "Don't call me a liar," he seethes. "Ever, Jessica."

  "You. Are. A. Liar," I spit the words out one-by-one, letting them roll off my tongue with languid grace. "A fucked up liar."

  "You don't know me," he bites back. It's harsh, the tone petulant and rage filled.

  "Exactly," I snipe. "All I know about you is that you're incredibly good in bed and you've been with more women than I can count. So many women that you can't even remember them all. "It's razor sharp and meant to pierce through him.

  It does. He takes a step back as if I've physically struck him. "Enough." His hand darts up to ward me off.

  "Enough?" I mimic him. "Enough, what? Enough of your goddamn lies? Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone? Why can't you just call another random and fuck her brains out so you forget about me?"

  I see pain wash over his expression. His hand jumps in the air as if he's about to grab hold of me, but his jaw clenches and his hand freezes. "Jessica." It's barely a whisper. I can hear something skirting the edges of it. I can't tell what it is.

  "Nathan, we're so far past being done with this." I move to the door but he's on me before I have time to react.

  "Jessica, please." His voice cracks and a small part of me feels sympathy for him. I can't do that. I can't let him get to me that way. It's all about actions. Everything he's ever said to me stands in the shadow of that hotel suite filled with liquor and condoms and that phone. That goddamn phone that was bursting with endless pleas begging him to crawl back into bed. All those women, all that sex.

  "I'll never forget what I saw on that phone." I close my eyes as if that will shudder away all the memories of those names, of the numbers and of the painfully intimate messages.

  "I can't change my past." His eyes narrow. "This is killing me. You have to let me back in."

  "Back in?" I exhale sharply, my pulse racing. "Back into this?" I pull my hand over my body.

  "No." His tone is icy, hard and calm. "Back into here." He pushes a finger against my chest. "You were feeling everything I was."

  I can't respond. He's right. I was feeling everything he said he was. I was falling for him at breakneck speed until I crashed into that hotel room and everything changed.

  A knock at the door jars us both. Drew's timing couldn’t be any worse. He's waiting for me. He's waiting to take me on a real date. He's waiting to take me to bed at the end of the night. He's going to help me get over Nathan once and for all.

  "I need to…"

  "You're going out with him, aren't you?" He cuts me off; his voice is even and tempered. "It's the chef, isn't it?"

  I nod. "Drew asked me… well, he asked me," I stutter unable to clearly say that I'm going out on a date with another man.

  "Have you fucked him yet?"

  "No." I shouldn't have answered. This isn't his business. Anything I do with Drew tonight isn't about Nathan. Except it all is. I'm only going on this date to forget the way it feels when Nathan kisses me, when he's inside of me, and when he says things that make me believe I'm special.

  "You want to?" The que
stion is ripe with pain. Not only for him, but for me too. I don't want to sleep with Drew I want to say. I want Nathan to erase everything I saw in that room from my memory so I can feel like I did two weeks ago. I want to float back into his bed and his arms and feel like nothing exists but the two of us.

  "Don't ask me that."

  He steps towards me until his breath is skirting my forehead. "If I would have found you first, I wouldn't have fucked any of them. Don’t use his body to get back at me."

  Chapter 8

  "That guy that was at your apartment is intense." Drew takes a leisurely drink from the wine glass in front of him. "He was at the club the first night I saw you. What's his deal?"

  "He's a lawyer," I jeer. I don't want to talk about Nathan right now. When I'd opened the door to greet Drew, Nathan had pushed past him and didn't look back.

  He surveys my face as if he's trying to read between the lines of what I'm saying and feeling. "Did you hook up?"

  Of course he'd ask me that. Why does it seem as though every man in Manhattan has to know about the sex life of every other man? "A few times." I don't see any reason to lie. It's not as though it matters at this point.

  "Is that still going on?"

  Why the inquisition I want to say. We're out on our first date, enjoying a pre-dinner glass of wine and Nathan is already spoiling the evening for me. "That's over," I say it clearly.

  "What was he doing at your place?" He tips the glass in my direction before he takes another sip.

  "Just talking." I know I shouldn't be irritated by his questions but I am. We're not twenty minutes into our evening and he already knows way too much about my personal life.

  "I don't share, Jess." The words are misplaced.

  "You don't share?" I repeat them back hoping I misheard them. Who does he think he is? The second coming of Nathan Moore? Why do these men insist on marking their territory before I'm ever served an entrée?